Worst Of 2011*

As always I must point out *that I've seen. The upside of not being an actual critic is that I'm not forced into seeing films like "I Don't Know How She Does It" or "Green Lantern." However, there's always a few that slip through the cracks. And of those films, here's the top 5 of the bottom 5.

5. Restless

Gus Van Sant has finally gone too far with his mopey teen angst stint of recent years. This film lacks any form of charm or enjoyability. You can tell Mia Wasikowska is doing her best to prop up the film but a devoid of everything performance by Henry Hopper dooms this film to failure.

4. 30 Minutes or Less

The prospect of another film by the filmmaker behind 2009's "Zombieland" was a good one. Unfortunately this film has nothing going for it. It has no laughs, no suspense, no nothing. Even the blooper reel doesn't have any laughs in it.

3. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

The Pirates franchise started out on such a great note. Unfortunately, with each new entry that note gets more and more sour. In the forth installment, Johnny Depp is completely dialing it in and Captain Jack Sparrow is now just a hallowed out shell. Even the fresh faces don't have anything to add. There is one scene involving mermaids that was a treat but that's it. The only thing keeping this film from reaching #1 on this list is Geoffrey Rush who is as much of a delight in this outing as he ever was, if not more.

2. Happythankyoumoreplease

It's a good thing that this film didn't get a wider release because is spared many audiences from sitting through an excruciating film about twenty somethings moping around wishing they were something they'll never be all while trying so desperately hard to be a Woody Allen film.

1. Cave of Forgotten Dreams

It's a shame that this will most likely be the masses only chance to get an inside look at the Chauvet Caves because every aspect of this film has been completely tarnished by Herzog. The interviews often have little to do with anything pertaining to the film. Herzog's narration is nothing but non sequitur ponderings and more so than any of his previous films which says a lot. And finally there is the 3D. This documentary should stand the test of time as a perfect example of what not to do in conversions. There is gradient in the depth. There is the flat background and then there is a crude cut out of whatever is popping out of the screen. It is more like looking at an oversized pop up book than a 3D film. I caught this film at it's premiere at the Berlin film festival which means I paid nothing to see it. I still feel like I got ripped off. Is it too much to ask to have Herzog make an enjoyable documentary or film of any format for that matter?